Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will - Paperback

by Shefali Tsabary (Author)

Every parent wants the golden key to raising well-behaved, academically gifted, successful, happy children. Embedded in the collective psyche is the notion that discipline is the cornerstone to achieving these goals. Out of Control offers a never-before-published perspective on why the entire premise of discipline is flawed. Dr. Shefali Tsabary reveals how discipline is a major cause of generations of dysfunction. The author goes to the heart of the problems parents have with children, challenging society's dependence on discipline, daring readers to let go of fear-based ideologies and replace them with an approach that draws parent and child together. The key is ongoing meaningful connection between parent and child, free from threats, deprivation, punishment, and timeouts -- all forms of manipulation. Parents learn how to enter into deep communion with their children, understanding the reasons for a behavior and how to bring out the best in the child. Far from a laissez-faire, anything goes, approach, this is how a child learns responsibility and takes ownership of their life, equipped with character and resilience that flow naturally from within.

Front Jacket

Where did the belief come from that we need to discipline our children if they are to grow up into individuals who are well adjusted and who make something of their lives?
Out of Control reveals how the very discipline we impose to control behavior is in reality a major cause of bad behavior, disrespect for adults, and dysfunction such as bullying, hostility toward family and society, drugs, alcoholism, and teen suicide.
Dr Tsabary asserts that to parent effectively requires us to develop a deep connection with our children, so that we address the feelings that drive a child's behavior instead of punishing. "When we tackle the reason for the behavior," says Dr Tsabary, "it automatically changes."
Far from a laissez-faire, "anything goes" approach, Dr Tsabary advocates for a high level of parental resolve that majors not in control, but in helping a child develop a sense of personal responsibility.
Authentic connection, in which children can be real with their parents, leads to a home in which self-discipline prevails-- both for the child and the parent.
The need to "impose our will" on our children evaporates, leading to respect, ownership of one's life, and a strong character marked by a resilience that flows naturally from within.

Author Biography

Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. Dr. Shefali was exposed to Eastern philosophy at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. This blend of East and West allow her to reach a global audience and establishes her as one of a kind in the field of mindfulness psychology. She lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world and currently has a private psychotherapy practice in New York City. She has a strong following on social media, posts regularly on Huffington Post, and can be seen on uTube and Ted Talk. Her books include It's a Mom: What You Should Know about the Early Years of Motherhood and The Conscious Parent, which has been heavily endorsed by Oprah Winfrey. She lives in New York City.